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Huh?
What is this place?
I think it’s important that we all review our fandom rules now because, honestly, from where I’m sitting, a lot of you seem to be making it up as you go. Therefore, I'm going to do us all a big favor, and list off the rules, one per day, until we're all back to where we need to be. kthnxbai
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...and you should tell them that. They've been talking all about everyone else, sending people right past your fic to read someone else's. They wouldn't even exist if not for you! I bet if you stopped following them, they'd be gone in a day. So bust out that email and remind them that the site they built should be all about what YOU want. They owe you for making them great.
When you write something, you hold the copyright. See there? I copyrighted copyrighting. Now you can't use it in your "Don't steal my fic" notes. Sorry fandom, but that's my word. You've gotta come up with something else to use now.
When the fandom laughs at you, you should just delete everything and run. While you're at it, tell them that health, real life, or very small horses got in the way, and that's why you're doing it. With an excuse like that, everyone will believe you. They'll never think you're just pouting in a corner somewhere...which you totally are.
Rants are always a good idea. They show the world how right you are and how much you really don't give a fuck. They never make you look unknowledgeable, overly sensitive, or just plain psychotic. In fact, you should rant more, just so that everyone truly understands how much it doesn't bother you. Do it. Do it now.
BNAs are horrible, evil people who exist solely to make you feel bad about your writing. They alone are to blame for both world hunger and the fact that your fic doesn’t have 67,992 reviews yet. If they weren't forcing 99% of the fandom to read and review their fics, everyone would realize that your fic is soooooooo much better.
This term is your friend. Apply liberally to everyone who disagrees with you, unfollows you, or whose Twitter avatar is clearly giving you the stink-eye. This is most important, or everyone will think that person's calm, non-confrontational tweets to you are somehow reasonable and not at all the violent battle cry you know them to be.
Don't forget! Edward's peen is so fucking massive that even John Holmes is intimidated. And his ginormous size must be mentioned at least a dozen times during each lemon for your less intelligent readers to comprehend. But don't worry about Bella. Her pussy has magical elasticity, and it will always return to the size of coin slot despite his shoving a telephone pole up in there.
p.s. thank you, stella luna sky!
See? It worked didn't it? You're not even reading this. And we all know that teenagers always do what they're told. So make sure you put "Don't read this unless you're old enough to vote" on all your XXX-rated fanfics. They will totally obey. Why am I even typing this? It's not like you're actually reading...
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